Today we are reviewing the October 2011 talk by LDS Young Women General President Elaine S. Dalton, “Love Her Mother.” We discuss why her messages are deficient and even harmful, and what we as post-mormon parents are going to do instead.
Is it possible to love someone (or even an entire group of people) and still alienate and oppress them? When your definition of love is “a feeling of deep devotion, concern, and affection,” then YES. We can love people and still be dismissive and belittling.
For more information, keep reading!
(Note: I get no commissions from these links)
Fierce Conversations: https://www.amazon.com/Fierce-Conversations-Achieving-Success-Conversation/dp/0425193373/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=fierce+conversations&qid=1592254959&sr=8-1v
Half Truths: https://www.amazon.com/Half-Truths-Themselves-Things-Doesnt/dp/1501813870/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=half+truths+bible&qid=1592254995&sr=8-1
Feeling Understood — Even More Important Than Feeling Loved? By Leon F Seltzer Ph.D c. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201706/feeling-understood-even-more-important-feeling-loved
The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching, by Thich Nhat Hanh, pp82-83: “Without understanding, our actions might cause others to suffer. We may be motivated by the desire to make others happy, but if we do not have understanding, the more we do, the more trouble we may create. Unless our love is made of understanding, it is not true love.”
“The Neural Bases of Feeling Understood and Not Understood (Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience (2014), 9, 1890-1896), an article by S. A. Morelli and others, experimentally documents how feeling understood heightens well-being — both personal and social. Employing functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) with the study’s participants, the authors’ results demonstrated that “feeling understood activated neural regions previously associated with reward and social connection (i.e. ventral striatum and middle insula), while not feeling understood activated neural regions previously associated with negative affect (i.e. anterior insula).” Further, supplying empirical support to points earlier made here and, too, corroborating earlier research in this area, they add: “Feeling understood makes individuals feel valued, respected and validated . . . and leads to important changes in affective experience and feelings of social connection.”
Sawubona: The most common greeting in the Zulu tribe is Sawubona. It literally means “We see you, you are important to us and we value you.” It’s a way to make the other person visible and to accept them as they are with their virtues, nuances, and flaws. Sawubona: All my attention is with you. I see your fears, your mistakes and I accept them. I accept you for what you are without prejudice. I am aware of your needs, desires, sorrows and virtues. I recognize how important you are to our community. https://exploringyourmind.com/sawubona-african-tribe-greeting/
From the movie Insideout; Sadness comforts BingBong: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgQBPSECgZg
Matt. 22: 35-40 (KJV) “Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying, Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
“For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:
“Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.
“Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?
“When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?
“Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?
“And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” (Matt. 25:34–40, KJV.)